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We’re not here to make things perfect.

“I love you. Not like they told you love is and I didn’t know this either.
But love don’t make things nice, it ruins everything, it breaks your heart,
it makes things a mess. We’re not here to make things perfect.
Snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us.
We are here to ruin ourselves and break our hearts and love the wrong people and die.”


Why? because I am that Sick and Twisted

Such is the darkness of my humour and my friends;
upon looking and reading what is happening in the USA
one of them sent me a link to try cheer me up.
A Massively Multi-Player Web-Based Zombie Apocalypse

65,352 dead and rising.

Created by Kevan Davis, July 2005.

The city is dying. A month on from the first reported outbreak,
military quarantine units have closed Malton’s borders, and are moving in to eliminate the looters,
to forcibly evacuate those civilians who still refuse to leave their homes.

The city is dying, and the urban dead are filling its streets.

New Orleans Nightmare
The guy runs the servers.
This is the horror of what has been happening in New Orleans.

Honestly I am not shocked, trying hard to think too much of the kids
trapped there in that nightmare, esp as I took my to to school this morning at the start of the term time.

Filk ?

“I Am the Bleekin’ Model of a Treecat Telempathical”
(“I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General”) — Pirates of Penzance
Jonathan Cresswell

I am the bleekin’ model of a treecat telempathical,
I groom myself and never need to suffer splash embathical,
I’m named as was the carrier for Nimitz, famous ad-mir-al,
But never carry passengers; my flea-spray gives ’em sad morale.
I bonded with the Commodore long years ago when we were young,
I’ve been with her through triumph great and heard the mourning songs she’s sung,
We’ve marched with folk who’ve been through wars that match the scars of Punic’s hell…
(swell? Krell? hm….ah!)
And particularly note the ones who wear those bright red tunics well!

(Particularly note the ones who wear those bright red tunics well!
Particularly note the ones who wear those bright red tunics well!
Particularly note the ones who wear those bright red tunics, who nix well!)

I act as her creative and emotional barometer
And show her state of mind when I’m within a rough kilometer;
In short in matters empathetic, mental but non-mathical,
I am the bleekin’ model of a treecat telempathical!

I sleep a lot, but often have the power of a Mallory;
I don’t get paid but you could say I really earn my celery.
I follow Honor minds a-linked and loyally devotional,
(She handles all the tactics stuff, and I do things emotional.)
I keep her on an even keel no matter what her attitude,
I kick her when she’s listless and I tell her she’s a brat o’ ‘tude,
I steady her when mood swings are a-clawing at her self-esteem…
(team? dream? hm….ah, i have it!)
I only need to nip her and AHA! she has a wealth o’ steam!

(He only needs to nip her and AHA! she has a wealth o’ steam!
He only needs to nip her and AHA! she has a wealth o’ steam!
He only needs to nip her and AHA! she has a wealth o’ healthy steam!)

I study her subordinates and help her all their habits peg
And do it with my eyes shut, chewing on a well-cooked rabbit’s leg;
In short, in matters empathetic, mental but non-mathical,
I am the bleekin’ model of a treecat telempathical!

I’ve been with her since kittenhood and know her mind in every bit
(You might just say that Honor Harrington has built me from a kit.)
I know when she is intimate but I think that is all for schnooks,
It’s only bombs and lasers with X-ray-ted roles in these here books!
If anyone should threaten her and make a fuss with fists or jaws,
I put a contract out upon them…sharpened with a lot of clause;
When danger nears I sense it, and make certain that ne’er it catch her…
(burr?…fur? AHA!)
And now I find I have the knack to mentally caricature!

(And now he finds he has the knack to mentally caricature!
And now he finds he has the knack to mentally caricature!
And now he finds he has the knack to mentally carica-trickature!)

Our names are famous for our feats and no one dares accost hers now;
She’s got a treecat name that sounds a bit like Kevin Costner’s now;
In short, in matters empathetic, mental but non-mathical,
I am the bleekin’ model of a treecat telempathical!

Why do we fall ?

“Why do we Fall?, so that we may pick ourselves back up.”

The tower

The Tower

Divinatory meaning
Upright – Disruption. Conflict. Change. Sudden violent loss. Overthrow of an existing way of life.
Major changes. Disruption of well worn routines. Ruin and disturbance. Dramatic upheaval.
change of residence or job sometimes both at once. Widespread repercussions of actions.
In the end, enlightenment and freedom.

Well that has pretty much been the last 7 weeks of my life.
And now come the part where the forest fire has finished and the smoke has cleared
and you’re left standing taking stock of what has been left behind.

Goodbye clutter and preconceptions, mental or emotional or otherwise.
It like a lego monstrosity, it had used up sooo much time and most of the pieces.
you can’t build anything new, there are no more peices to build anything new, or any room.
You pull bits of and prop it up and move bits arround to try make it different
to try make it work but it only distracts for a while.
You cant bring yourself to scrap it as you have but so much of yourself,
you time hopes dreams tears into it. You did have fun, and there was once hope
it would be what you dreamed and planned , but it isnt.

And then CRASH it falls off the table.

No matter what you do to try collect all the pieces it will never happen.
They get lost or loose themselves, under the sofa, some get swept into the bin
some get stood on and broken.

You can never rebuild what was.
There is always grief and tears and loss and anger and frustration.
You gather up and salvage what you can.
You collect and preserve the important parts and try to ensure they didnt get damaged
or will not get damaged but what will follow.

Then the smoke and tears clear and you can go build again, older and hopefully wiser.
Determined that what will be built this time will be closer to what you want, what you need it to be.
Time to think and start small and see what happens.
To look over the chunks that remain and keep the esstaintal and maybe dissassemble that which will now not fit.
But building all the same.

Everyone likes to watch a wrecking ball.
Few can stand to see the wreckage,
fewer can deal with the clean up.
And when rebuilding there has to be one concept , one dream, a pure vision to begin with.
Such are created by one person not a committee.

Then comes the day when your ready to rebuild.
you have let go of what was and look forward to what will be,
and the new struggles and puzzles and challenges.
That comes when you are ready, and if other people arent well then
they need more time to cling to what was, or to or to get over the shock let them.
It was not thiers to begin with.

now to see if lego, crazy glue, felt and glitter will mix.

aarrrghhh my brian

It could be worse, it could.
It’s not her fault really she is like 5 and at least it is sort of rock.
It could be a crappy boy band or sclub7 type thing.
But is Jpop, and not all uberly cute crap either.
But being woken up to the strains of Planet toyko and then it being on
replay for an hour is a bit much.

Gods damn it why did I ever let her watch Teen Titans.

You will change because life is change

From time to time, you will make mistakes. They’re inevitable. Sometimes those mistakes will be…huge. What matters is that you learn from them. There’s nothing wrong with falling down, so long as you end up just two inches taller when you pick yourself up off the floor. At times, you may end up far away from home. You may not be sure of where you belong anymore. But home is always there. Because home is not a place. It’s wherever your passion takes you. As you continue on your path…you will lose some friends and gain new ones. The process is painful, but often necessary. They will change, and you will change because life is change. From time to time…they must find their own way, and that way may not be yours. Enjoy them for what they are. And remember them for what they were.
I really do believe that sooner or later, no matter what happens…things do work out. Oh, we have hard times. We suffer. We lose loved ones. The road is never easy. It was never meant to be easy. But in the long run…if you stay true to what you believe, things do work out. Always be willing to fight for what you believe in. It doesn’t matter if 1000 people agree with you or one person agrees with you. It doesn’t matter if you stand completely alone. Fight for what you believe in.
– from “Babylon 5: Objects at Rest”

Love me or loath me and leave me be.

We can all only live one life, our own.
We can all only make choices and judgement calls about one life, our own.
We can only strive and work towards what is best for us in our life;
and hopefully those that are in our life, who choose to be in our lives
as family and friends will support or at least respect how we choose to live our lives.

Sounds simple, it is horridly hard.
We cant change the people in our live and what they think or how they feel.
We just have to be prepared that some of our choices in our lives may
have the effect of them not being in our lives anymore for reasons of thier own.
Doesnt mean we like it, doesnt mean it wont hurt and we wont miss them but
We have to respect thier choices and their judgement calls that they have made about thier life.