The wedding that was.
6 days ago was my sisters wedding.
I survived it.
First wedding in the imdediate family, yes I am the eldest, yes I am the only one with kids, no I am not married.
Or ever likely to be in this life time and if I do it will not be the extravagasa that was the wedding with a pink trim.
I was the only sibling not in the wedding party, my two other sisters being bridesmaids and our only brother being a grooms man.
Not all that bad, ment I sure as hell was not wearing a pink dress on the day, and not being a christian anymore
it ment they could not try and placate me with a reading of some sort.
Funny being at your sisters wedding and feeling that really your only there cos
due to the formalities you should be there and the fact that she wanted her only neice and nephew as flower girl and pageboy.
Couldn’t bring myslef to write about at the time,
I was too upset at the time.
but guess wht I have flu and I am utterly pissed off atm.
It was a horrid day tbh, but you do it cos it has to be done family and duty and all that jazz.
I am not they type of person who can’t but thier own grievences aside so not to upset
family and extended family for the likes of a wedding.
As the eldest of the 5 of us, me not being there would have been hughly noticible,
and lead to many awkward questions and converstaions and it would not have been fair to have done that to my family.
Ok well really as revenge for the shit storm of stuff and thier sticking thier noses in in my life and my affairs
it would not have even rated at being fitting for 1/4 of the tears and grief they caused.
Ohhh but everything they did was cos they were concerned.
Concered MY ARSE.
They didnt know what was going on, they didnt want to know, and then they jumped to all sorts of conculsions.
I was the one who suffered because of it.
You want to know what is going in with me and my life come talk to me.
If you can’t handle me or my life then don’t fucking ask, and don’t dare fucking judge me
by what you would or would not do or how you live your life.
You go live your life, I will live mine.
Sounds harsh, more like stuff you would say to strangers then family,
but then again you expect family not to always approve of your life
but you do not expect them to stab you in the back when you are strugging either.
Will I get over all of this, sure you bet.
I need to, I have two kids I love and a new life to create for me and them.
Part of that means figuring out and making sure that thier Dad my now ex-parter
is still a part of thier lives no matter what he choses to do with his life
and if and when he moves out of the family home.
As the wedding proves I can be gracious and not hold a grudge;
but forgiving and forgetting will never happen.
Esp when you get the feeling you are barely being tolerated and that is cos they want to see my kids.
No that is not the situation with all of my family,
but realy if I am to be the black sheep of the family I may as well use the privilage of telling them
a few uncomfortible home truths, and letting secrets out of the bag.
But you what I can’t, for no matter what they think of me I am not the bad person they supose.
Why re enforce that ?
Just because you can does not mean you should.
Those that know me, trully know me know better.
The only person I have anything to prove anything to are me and my Gods.
If I am not breaking any laws, then the only persons who can judge me are me and my Gods.