Every now and then I still stumble upon something which is so cohesive and well expression on an issue which has been buzzing around me and it knocked my socks off and gives me something to chew over.

I found two such things over the weekend.
This is the first which lead to the other it is on the nature of ‘boys’ ( cos they are not mature enough to be men ) who say that they are ‘Nice Guys’ and use that to not look at themselves or thier behaviour they affirm this as much as they can and will tell people that they are ‘Nice Guys’ so that when stuff happens it’s never their fault.

http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html

The whole is well worth reading, some of the parts which stood out for me were.

The Nice Guy usually has some glaringly big issues in his life that he isn’t dealing with– things that make him unhappy, but rather than address them, he is convinced that if only he could be with someone, everything would magically get better. (Yeah, guess what, it doesn’t. You still need to get a job/move into a better place/go back to school/get therapy/clean your toejam/tell your parents to piss off/whatever it is.) For a Nice Guy, all the responsibility for his happiness lies with his future partner. And he *will* put the burden on her, as well as guilting the hell out of her if she gets fed up with mommying him.

Nice Guys think it is enough for them to be so nice, so sweet, so attentive. Because it is enough, they think it’s ok to let other stuff slide. Like it doesn’t matter if they have good hygiene, because a girl who cares so much about exteriors is shallow and hypocritical if she can’t see past a layer of funk to the shining prince beneath. They don’t think it’s important to develop much in the way of social skills or good manners (although some of them do have a certain amount of charisma). They never stop to ask themselves whether the fact that they haven’t dated anyone since 1997 might have something to do with their annoying behaviors or poor sense of humor. In fact, they see no reason to make any extra effort to improve themselves or present themselves well at all– because they’re SO VERY NICE.

Conversely, though, most Nice Guys only fall for a fairly limited range of “hot” chicks. It’s because women are all about the status for them, and they are out to prove something to the world. Some of them will deliberately only go after women who are fairly unattainable, if their martyr complex needs some care and feeding.

Nice Guys usually are crap at reading body language and nonverbal cues and usually have serious personal space problems. Women get creeped out because they feel like the guy is literally clinging to them, or is coming on really strong really fast, or doesn’t seem to pick up on the fact that they’re tensing up or moving away. But since the Nice Guy *knows* he has good intentions, he is deeply insulted by the suggestion that his behavior is unwelcome, creepy, or even threatening. (Whereas a genuine nice guy who misreads a situation is horrified that he might have come across that way and apologizes for it.)

Nice Guys are not patient. This is tricky, again, because sometimes they can *seem* very patient, but in reality they are always chomping at the bit to get into their chosen target’s pants. And once they’ve made a move, they are all about the instant gratification. They demand response NOW. They expect and will pressure or guilt a woman into giving them a chance. It’s all or nothing, and if she says no, chances are good the friendship is dead in the water. If it continues, it’s almost guaranteed that it’s because he doesn’t believe she means no, and intends to regroup and try again.

Nice Guys don’t actually care what a woman wants, which is one of the keys to identifying a Nice Guy vs. a nice guy, and which runs directly counter to their most deeply held beliefs about themselves. They think that they are great, caring, compassionate partners; usually, they just want a captive audience. They don’t have much respect for what her desires and preferences are unless they are for him, because if she wants something different than him, it is attributed to her dysfunction and desire to be treated badly by an asshole. They may spend some time with pick-up books and things that tell them how to get chicks, but they tend to follow the letter of the law and not the spirit. That’s why he’ll serenade you on a subway platform even though he knows you don’t like to call attention to yourself, and then be hurt that you were uncomfortable and embarrassed by the display. He likes to make a big show out of being romantic and considerate, especially when others are watching, but he will still forget to pick up his socks even if you’ve told him you’d rather have a clean floor than roses delivered to your office.

But the real foolproof way to identify a Nice Guy is to watch how he treats a woman who turns him down romantically. A true-blue Nice Guy invariably will unleash the scorn and contempt and resentment that’s been seething under the surface all along, and excoriate the woman he claimed to care about. One of the favored maneuvers is to retreat behind sarcasm, claim that whatever she found unwelcome was “just a joke”, and defensively inform her that she has no sense of humor, that she’s taking everything way too seriously. Once in a while he’ll try to keep being friends– especially if he thinks there’s another chance in it for him– but he’ll let fly with the snarky comments about her, the passive-aggressive “humor” that always points back to her rejection of him, and especially so if she shows interest in anyone else. He’s just waiting for that romance to fail so that he can say, “see, she rejects ME when I would’ve treated her right, but runs after that asshole instead, and now she got hurt. I could’ve told her that would happen!” And you will never hear a Nice Guy say anything gracious about a guy who dates a woman who rejected him.

The most insidious part of it is the way that Nice Guys turn everything back on the girl, make it all her fault. If she doesn’t want to date him– poor, poor him! What sort of shallow bitch must she be to want a relationship but not with him? Coincidentally, this tactic can sometimes score him a sympathy fuck if he’s got a backup girl to run to.

The absolute key difference between a nice guy and a Nice Guy is that the nice guy truly likes and respects women and doesn’t feel entitled to the attentions of any woman. The Nice Guy pretends to be that, but secretly he has decided that all women suck (usually for the sins of a couple of them), and he doesn’t really care about anything so much as propping up his limp ego.

The Nice Guy usually has some glaringly big issues in his life that he isn’t dealing with– things that make him unhappy, but rather than address them, he is convinced that if only he could be with someone, everything would magically get better. (Yeah, guess what, it doesn’t. You still need to get a job/move into a better place/go back to school/get therapy/clean your toejam/tell your parents to piss off/whatever it is.) For a Nice Guy, all the responsibility for his happiness lies with his future partner. And he *will* put the burden on her, as well as guilting the hell out of her if she gets fed up with mommying him.

Nice Guys think it is enough for them to be so nice, so sweet, so attentive. Because it is enough, they think it’s ok to let other stuff slide. Like it doesn’t matter if they have good hygiene, because a girl who cares so much about exteriors is shallow and hypocritical if she can’t see past a layer of funk to the shining prince beneath. They don’t think it’s important to develop much in the way of social skills or good manners (although some of them do have a certain amount of charisma). They never stop to ask themselves whether the fact that they haven’t dated anyone since 1997 might have something to do with their annoying behaviors or poor sense of humor. In fact, they see no reason to make any extra effort to improve themselves or present themselves well at all– because they’re SO VERY NICE.

Conversely, though, most Nice Guys only fall for a fairly limited range of “hot” chicks. It’s because women are all about the status for them, and they are out to prove something to the world. Some of them will deliberately only go after women who are fairly unattainable, if their martyr complex needs some care and feeding.

Nice Guys usually are crap at reading body language and nonverbal cues and usually have serious personal space problems. Women get creeped out because they feel like the guy is literally clinging to them, or is coming on really strong really fast, or doesn’t seem to pick up on the fact that they’re tensing up or moving away. But since the Nice Guy *knows* he has good intentions, he is deeply insulted by the suggestion that his behavior is unwelcome, creepy, or even threatening. (Whereas a genuine nice guy who misreads a situation is horrified that he might have come across that way and apologizes for it.)

Nice Guys are not patient. This is tricky, again, because sometimes they can *seem* very patient, but in reality they are always chomping at the bit to get into their chosen target’s pants. And once they’ve made a move, they are all about the instant gratification. They demand response NOW. They expect and will pressure or guilt a woman into giving them a chance. It’s all or nothing, and if she says no, chances are good the friendship is dead in the water. If it continues, it’s almost guaranteed that it’s because he doesn’t believe she means no, and intends to regroup and try again.

Nice Guys don’t actually care what a woman wants, which is one of the keys to identifying a Nice Guy vs. a nice guy, and which runs directly counter to their most deeply held beliefs about themselves. They think that they are great, caring, compassionate partners; usually, they just want a captive audience. They don’t have much respect for what her desires and preferences are unless they are for him, because if she wants something different than him, it is attributed to her dysfunction and desire to be treated badly by an asshole. They may spend some time with pick-up books and things that tell them how to get chicks, but they tend to follow the letter of the law and not the spirit. That’s why he’ll serenade you on a subway platform even though he knows you don’t like to call attention to yourself, and then be hurt that you were uncomfortable and embarrassed by the display. He likes to make a big show out of being romantic and considerate, especially when others are watching, but he will still forget to pick up his socks even if you’ve told him you’d rather have a clean floor than roses delivered to your office.

But the real foolproof way to identify a Nice Guy is to watch how he treats a woman who turns him down romantically. A true-blue Nice Guy invariably will unleash the scorn and contempt and resentment that’s been seething under the surface all along, and excoriate the woman he claimed to care about. One of the favored maneuvers is to retreat behind sarcasm, claim that whatever she found unwelcome was “just a joke”, and defensively inform her that she has no sense of humor, that she’s taking everything way too seriously. Once in a while he’ll try to keep being friends– especially if he thinks there’s another chance in it for him– but he’ll let fly with the snarky comments about her, the passive-aggressive “humor” that always points back to her rejection of him, and especially so if she shows interest in anyone else. He’s just waiting for that romance to fail so that he can say, “see, she rejects ME when I would’ve treated her right, but runs after that asshole instead, and now she got hurt. I could’ve told her that would happen!” And you will never hear a Nice Guy say anything gracious about a guy who dates a woman who rejected him.

The most insidious part of it is the way that Nice Guys turn everything back on the girl, make it all her fault. If she doesn’t want to date him– poor, poor him! What sort of shallow bitch must she be to want a relationship but not with him? Coincidentally, this tactic can sometimes score him a sympathy fuck if he’s got a backup girl to run to.

The absolute key difference between a nice guy and a Nice Guy is that the nice guy truly likes and respects women and doesn’t feel entitled to the attentions of any woman. The Nice Guy pretends to be that, but secretly he has decided that all women suck (usually for the sins of a couple of them), and he doesn’t really care about anything so much as propping up his limp ego.

Well that is two Satyrday nights I have ended up dancing to Temple of Love 😀
I wasn’t meant to be going out tonight, there were people going to dorans and then on to
[info]dominion_ie
.
My co parent went out but came home at 11:10 and I had just gotten out of the bath and thought fuck it.
When I am dead I can stop doing a reverse Cinderella.

As it turned midnight the taxi pulled up outside the venue and I had arrived, ” just in time for the witching hour”
the taxi driver remark and me being a utter gamer/nerd I replied ” and curses are half price”.
To my surprise he grinned and said Dungeon keeper 2 was a great game.
This was an excellent omen.

No sooner had I gotten my hand stamped by Alan that charming bastard, I headed to the back of the new venue
where I was hailed with squeals of delight and many hugs. Then just as I finished the rounds of greetings
the very familar strains of Temple of Love began and I scooped up two of the pretty girls and joined the dance floor.
We were joined by one of the other lasses and we grinned, giggled and gyrated in the middle of the dance floor.

The rest of the night was spent in amusing conversations with much cackling, being mean for the greater good
and being pleasantly distracted by blade runner being shown on the large screen beside the dance floor.
And I am home swiftly and soundly listening to the Cult and sipping a cold beer glad that I decided I am not
so old that I can’t bugger of at a late hour to a club and blessed that there were people there glad to see me.

Warpcon has been and gone 3 days already, how did that happen,
Seriously I jammed so much into the weekend and yet the last 3 days just ziiiiped by.

Mostly it was getting to spend time with people I have not in a long while.
Big chunks of time too and getting to meet new people.

Nick and cat picked me up on the friday and we got coffee and nerf guns and hit the road
with a sound track which I was told was compiled esp to break my brain 😛 Clearly
Nick is a ratbag.
We made great time until we hit cork city docks at dusk and then due to tiredness, changes to the one way system got a wee bit lot for an hour or so but eventually got to the strange blue B&B with the obscure christian subtexts
and booked in and went for food.

Friday night::

I did go along to the talk on Irish witchcraft by Lore O’Brien by the Pagan soc ( which will be looking for new committee members),
It was fun and nice to be listening to a talk on that topic and to be contributing a bit as well.
Afterwords it was to the old bar and I spent a time popping from conversations with gamers to conversations with reenactors.

Saturday morning:

I had tought we were up bright eyed and early enough but it turns out that the game slots
were starting at 10 am not 11am which tends to be the standard for most cons.
But I instead spent a very merry time playing fluxx with much quips and spontaneous singing
by myself and cat_rant which frankly seemed to really werid sarky out I had tought
him made of sterner stuff. I wandered for a while and then found
niamhybeag and we had a grand chin wag and were eventully joined by
arken_thell.

Then it was time to play the afternoon game slot, what a romp that was,
yet again I have not died in any gurps game and infact the whole party
stayed intact despite the gms best efforts and due to Hod’s intervention.
Then myself and Nick played some monty python fluxx and it was time for food
rest and recuperation before going to the bar to meet up with people and then on to club warpcon.

Well club warpcon was an experience, hadn’t been before despite having been to the con
a handful of times but I so now get what the fuss was about.
I danced for about two solid hours, it was awesome.

Sunday:

I had to be up and about to pack and make the start of that morning’s larp slot which was
Nick ‘s scifi “newcomers” I had brought my costume and was for the first time covered in body paint for a larp. Which apprently is stage to of larpers syndrome. It was a lot of fun even if the ‘giggling’ did get to me by the end of the game and it was nice to get to play with Hilary who got the references about gun ports being closed or open 🙂

Then it was lunch and the fun of wandering around with my arms, face and chest painted yellow
with red stripes, I caught up with a few more people and spent the time in intresting conversation
as I could not get tickets for the afternoon larp I wanted. I know only two games played but tbh
it was nice to chill and catch up with people and meet new people.

I did take off the paint of my face before i headed to the bar for one last drink before
Nick kindly dropped me to the to bus station to get the bus home, and home I was before 11pm.

What makes warpcon, warpcon ? I think it is a combination of things, when in the year it is with people
cutting loose after enduring the festive season, that most people are with in a short walking distance
of the campus due to staying in hostel/hotel/b&b and people cutting loose cos they are not at ‘home’.
All of which adds up to people being determined to have a lot of fun.

Yes there were things which could have been done a bit better and which could be done to improve
the warpcon experience there was really good suggestion list up on here

But what a wonderful weekend, looking forward to the rest of the cons to come and I am so doing
that again next year.

I KNEW there was one in January didn’t think it would hit this early.
I should have checked the dates.

http://www.astrologycom.com/mercret.html

At 16:45 UT (Universal Time), on Sunday, January 11th, 2009, Mercury the cosmic trickster turns retrograde in Aquarius, the sign of the Water-Bearer, sending communications, travel, appointments, mail and the www into a general snarlup! Since this is the day of the potent Full Moon in Cancer, people’s emotions will be on high alert! The retro period begins a few days before the actual turning point (as Mercury slows) and lasts for three weeks or so, until February 1, when the Winged Messenger reaches his direct station. At this time he halts and begins his return to direct motion through the zodiac.

Everything finally straightens out on February 14, as he passes the point where he first turned retrograde. Mercury normally turns retrograde three times a year, but this year he turns tail four times, which is unusual. The effects of each period differ, according to the sign in which it happens.

In general, Mercury rules thinking and perception, processing and disseminating information and all means of communication, commerce, education and transportation. By extension, Mercury rules people who work in these areas, especially people who work with their minds or their wits: writers and orators, commentators and critics, gossips and spin doctors, teachers, travellers, tricksters and thieves.

Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.

It is therefore not wise to make important decisions while Mercury is retrograde, since it is very likely that these decisions will be clouded by misinformation, poor communication and careless thinking. Mercury is all about mental clarity and the power of the mind, so when Mercury is retrograde these intellectual characteristics tend to be less acute than usual, as the critical faculties are dimmed. Make sure you pay attention to the small print
!

Mercury Retrograde in Aquarius
Aquarius, the Water-Bearer

When Mercury is retrograde, everyone’s thinking is more introspective and we tend to think about issues and concerns which relate to the sign involved. With Mercury retrograde in Aquarius, people with this sign prominent in their charts will be especially prone to such introspection. There is little choice but to reconsider our personal views and opinions about life. We receive, however, an opportunity to gain insight into our own ego.

Mercury retro in Aquarius generates an undue focus on originality and independence, love of intellectual freedom and the inclination to repudiate social conventions. Idealistic concepts however, will be under pressure during this Fixed Sign phase, as people will be inclined to be very stubborn and opinionated, while at the same time attempting to pressure others into sharing their attitudes. Unusual or unorthodox ideas will have difficulty melding with traditional positions, as people with new ideas will be unlikely to consider the feelings and opinions of the so-called “old wave”, who will vigorously resist proposed changes. The Full Moon in Cancer occurs on January 11th, just hours before Mercury turns retrograde. This is a very emotional Full Moon, with much potential for conflict (head versus heart; family versus career etc) and breaks in communication (Mercury being stationary prior to turning).

Mercury remains in Aquarius until January 21st, when he rolls back to Capricorn, creating havoc with political and administrative concerns, government, career and public positions, along with the desire to rise in life! He returns to Aquarius on February 14th, but read on for more on Mercury’s stay in Capricorn.

Well THAT explains certain aspects of my night last saturday.

And just so I know what will when it happens again

2009
January 11-February 1
May 6-May 30
September 6-September 29
December 26, 2009-January 15, 2010

I saw sheltered in the leeside of a building the first flowers of spring
starting to poke up out of the ground and in the park by the pond
cherry blossom trees coming into bloom, spring is coming.

Fierce struggles **
This can be a time for creatively transforming the world around you, or it can be a time of fierce power struggles and disagreements. These are the two poles that this influence swings between. It arouses your ambitions and makes you want to get ahead. Your energy level is very high, and you can use it to get a lot of work done. But unfortunately you will have a tendency to go about your work in such a way that you arouse great opposition from the people you confront. Or you may have to confront someone else’s energies, which may result in your taking a different course of action from what you originally intended. The energies of this influence can also lead to being the victim of someone else’s ruthlessness. Therefore you should avoid dangerous places and violent people.

Oddly enough I am, headed into the city center today 🙂

You cant go into this new year with last years baggage and expect it to be any different than last year.

A friend put it so well.

Goodbye 2008. You were a year of upset, heart-ache, self-destruction, depression, death, losing friends, and getting nowhere in a hurry. I will not miss you. Good riddance! I will see you out, as is the polite thing to do. But only to make sure that you actually leave. I’m looking forward to your replacement. At least it’s promising to be a healthier year than you already. I do hope that I have learned something from you. Because you’ve given me nothing else. Welcome 2009! You don’t have big shoes to fill.

I’ve been up an hour and with out any coffee or tea my brain is bright eyes and bushy tailed and I have detailed out several new writing projects. That’s two nights in a row I good a good solid 5/6 hours sleep so that I could not stay in bed. This is such a blessed relief as that flu had me sleeping far to much and keeping even for me erratic hours.
Hello sanity* how have you been, I’ve missed you.

*Yes I know my version of sanity is not that of others 😛

review
I posted this back in August 2007 as it had caught my eye, been going back over some of the entries for
the last year or so and this one lept out at me, so I am re posting it.

“Our ancient Celtic ancestors said: ‘Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance’.

We might well add: ‘Never give a wand to anyone who cannot handle ordinary reality’.

Magick will tend to amplify whatever tendencies a person has.
It will increase general incompetence in life, just as readily as it will augment competence.

Although we have seen those who started off reasonably well-organized and made a magnificent success of their lives with magick,
we have observed plenty of unpromising cases taking a powered nose-dive to disaster with occult assistance.

The best orders and the best books on magick make the neophyte work very hard to gain anything.
For, in brutal fact, nothing of any value comes from involving people who do not pursue excellence for its own sake in magick.

Magick does not offer an escape from ordinary reality: rather it offers a full-on confrontation with it, which one can easily lose.”

– Peter J. Carroll, PsyberMagick

I don’t think I lost this year, not at all, strangely enough it was August 08 a year from when I posted that
was when I took back my power and control, drew a line and got on with looking after me and living my life.
I am very much the better for it and so is everyone else around me.