All posts by jcjosAdmin

Brave or stupid?

Ok so the last few entries have been filler I admit but fun filler.
I have been pretty busy writing.
Deadlines for essays to be handed in and the terror of Gealcon looms.

After being central compiling hub for the ‘Spectres: Ancient Hordes’ pulling all the
Different parts together and writing the bulk of the descriptive text for it and then
Gming 3 games of it in a row as Warpcon last January; I got it into my silly little head
That maybe I could infact write stuff that may run at Gealcon…..

Brave or stupid?

Guess I won’t have the answer to that until the 1st of November.

I have always written what I term as ‘stuff’,
Hell I still have the copy book which I fill with tales and story ideas when I was 15.
Moving into writing stuff for RPG session was as easy as breathing for me.
Running games on the fly or fleshing out prewritten scenarios a joy.
Being able to take bits from several campaigns and work them into a world story arc
Containing the histories and continuing sagas of the chars in my group was enough
To keep me utterly engaged.

But there is a difference between tailoring a game for your own group of friends /fiends,
And writing one that will run cold at a con. When you choose a table at a con and take a seat you are agreeing to take part in a gaming session. I did learn running the same game
3 times in a row with 3 very different groups as Warpcon how different each game became due to the participation of the players and the direction they took the game.

So with the writing part of what I am doing for Gealcon done I am trying to find the
Balance between telling a story and making it a real game and covering a lot of angles and offering choices for the players. I guess I am used to writing sprawling sagas,
And to my group how could spend 4 hours getting from one town to another one week
And then deciding the following week sod that lets cast Owls wisdom on the
Doodad and have him wind walk the party and the horses in two groups the rest of the way which should have been 4 days travel with encounters which had been painstakingly prepared.

I just hope that I don’t end up with any dice junkies at the table. GM means God Mode and an rpg session is an interaction / reaction interfacing as far as I am concerned.
Honestly anyone starts a trait bidding war and I will go rock paper scissors* on their asses.
I guess we all get protective about our creative endeavours and anyone who tries to ruin a game at a con is not brave.
Not that I have never well not even played out of the box, hell I have been known to trash smash and burn the box leaving
a trail of ashes in my wake ( as some poor gms , usually Salburi can attest to) but it has been in the context of the game
and working with the elements in it and never screwing up other peoples fun.

Yes I would be great to tell the tales in what I have written but I guess it will also be fun to see it morph and change hopefully
into something even more werid and wonderfull on the morning they are run.

from that film with that dyke

Artist: Joey Lauren Adams Lyrics
Song: ALIVE Lyrics

I’m feeling nothing
But all alone
Just missing someone
I don’t even know
But until I find them
I’ll wait patiently
Just feeling nothing
Inside of me

And where are you baby
Where can you be
Why aren’t you here
Loving me
‘Cause I won’t to kiss you
And make you feel right
I want to lay with you
all through the night

And I want to feel passion
I want to feel pain
I want to weep at the sound of your name
Come make me laugh
Come make me cry
Just make me feel

And so I wait
For that glorious day
When the one I dream of
Comes my way
But until I find them
I’ll wait patiently
Just feeling nothing
Inside of me

And where are you baby
Where can you be
Why aren’t you here
Loving me
‘Cause I want to kiss you
and make you feel right
I want to lay with you
All through the night

And I want to feel passion
I want to feel pain
I want to weep at the sound of your name
Come make me laugh
Come make me cry
Just make me feel

mad Madam Mim!

I took the most accurate villain personality test
created by:
The Arch Villainess Gracie

Mim: With only a touch, I have the power
zim zaba rim bim, to wither a flower
I find delight in the gruesome and grim
‘Cause I’m the magnificent, marvelous, mad Madam Mim

I can be huge, fill a whole house
I can be tiny, small as a mouse
black sorcery is my dish of tea
(spoken) it comes easy to me
’cause I’m the magnificent, marvelous, mad Madam Mim!

I can be beautiful, lovely and fair
Silvery voice, long purple hair
la la la la, la la la la la la
la la la la la, la la la la la la
but it’s only skin deep
for zim zaberim zim
I’m an ugly old creep
The magnificent, marvelous, mad, mad, mad, mad Madam Mim!

oh my

dear, you are Bookish, aren’t you? You are a
highly intelligent and witty bluestocking,
whose beauty is hidden behind spectacles. Your
dress sense is eccentric and a little
unfashionable, and you consider yourself plain.
You have very little use for men, who find your
knowledge of Shakespeare, interest in politics
and forthright speech formidable. You are
undoubtedly well-off. The only reason for your
presence in a novel of this kind (which, I
might add, you would not dream of reading,
although you have occasionally enjoyed the
works of Miss Austen), is your mother, who is
absolutely determined that you will make a good
marriage. Rather than defying her directly,
you are quietly subversive, dancing with anyone
who asks you, but making no attempt to hide
your intellectual interests. The only person
who can get past your facade is the man who is
witty enough to spar with you, and be amused at
your blatant attempts to scare your suitors
away. While you will, no doubt, subject him to
a gruelling cross-examination to find out
whether his respect for your intelligence is
real or mere flattery, you may be sure that he
is your match, and that you, he AND your mother
will all live happily ever after

The Regency Romance Quiz: What kind of Romance Heroine are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The wedding that was.

The wedding that was.
6 days ago was my sisters wedding.
I survived it.

First wedding in the imdediate family, yes I am the eldest, yes I am the only one with kids, no I am not married.
Or ever likely to be in this life time and if I do it will not be the extravagasa that was the wedding with a pink trim.
I was the only sibling not in the wedding party, my two other sisters being bridesmaids and our only brother being a grooms man.
Not all that bad, ment I sure as hell was not wearing a pink dress on the day, and not being a christian anymore
it ment they could not try and placate me with a reading of some sort.
Funny being at your sisters wedding and feeling that really your only there cos
due to the formalities you should be there and the fact that she wanted her only neice and nephew as flower girl and pageboy.

Couldn’t bring myslef to write about at the time,
I was too upset at the time.
but guess wht I have flu and I am utterly pissed off atm.

It was a horrid day tbh, but you do it cos it has to be done family and duty and all that jazz.
I am not they type of person who can’t but thier own grievences aside so not to upset
family and extended family for the likes of a wedding.
As the eldest of the 5 of us, me not being there would have been hughly noticible,
and lead to many awkward questions and converstaions and it would not have been fair to have done that to my family.

Ok well really as revenge for the shit storm of stuff and thier sticking thier noses in in my life and my affairs
it would not have even rated at being fitting for 1/4 of the tears and grief they caused.
Ohhh but everything they did was cos they were concerned.
Concered MY ARSE.
They didnt know what was going on, they didnt want to know, and then they jumped to all sorts of conculsions.
I was the one who suffered because of it.
You want to know what is going in with me and my life come talk to me.
If you can’t handle me or my life then don’t fucking ask, and don’t dare fucking judge me
by what you would or would not do or how you live your life.
You go live your life, I will live mine.

Sounds harsh, more like stuff you would say to strangers then family,
but then again you expect family not to always approve of your life
but you do not expect them to stab you in the back when you are strugging either.

Will I get over all of this, sure you bet.
I need to, I have two kids I love and a new life to create for me and them.
Part of that means figuring out and making sure that thier Dad my now ex-parter
is still a part of thier lives no matter what he choses to do with his life
and if and when he moves out of the family home.

As the wedding proves I can be gracious and not hold a grudge;
but forgiving and forgetting will never happen.
Esp when you get the feeling you are barely being tolerated and that is cos they want to see my kids.
No that is not the situation with all of my family,
but realy if I am to be the black sheep of the family I may as well use the privilage of telling them
a few uncomfortible home truths, and letting secrets out of the bag.
But you what I can’t, for no matter what they think of me I am not the bad person they supose.
Why re enforce that ?
Just because you can does not mean you should.

Fuck them.

Those that know me, trully know me know better.
The only person I have anything to prove anything to are me and my Gods.
If I am not breaking any laws, then the only persons who can judge me are me and my Gods.

Being Sick sucks.

I have flu, I feel utterly wretched.

What was a temp yesterday and a slight scratch in my troath
last night became restlessness and utter wooly headiness.
Currently after being up with my son vomiting last night things have gotten worse.
Not quiet oh gods I want to be dead, that only comes along after the brain numbing
I can’t read , focus , watch stuff, can’t function headache.

Being Sick sucks.
I it is worse when you have kids.
Thankfully they are now 5 and 7 and even if they are sick too, they understand that mammy is sick.
Really I recall the joys of changing a very dirty nappy and vomiting both before and after;
so this time arround won’t be that bad.

Besides if the comment my son was making at 3:35am about the accustics in the toilet room
had us both laughing, then maybe there is hope for all of us.

The first crunch of autumn.

It happened today, the first crunch of atumn.
The sight,sound and sensation of standing on shed leaves.
Beach tree leaves.
They crackle and crunch as you clump over thier crisp curled edges.
They are the first, due to thier shady spot between to school building
where they run along the sides of the path creating a tunnel to travel through.
We shared this grinning and looked up to see that there were still
many leaves yet to fall from the trees.
I wonder for how many days we will get to dance to school and back
amoung the drifting leaves as they decend to the earth.

Summers last hurrah

Summers last hurrah

The Dawn’s early chill gives way
To the waxing sun and the warmth of day.
The heat that gathers from noon ’til four,
Lingers softy as the shadows come to play once more.

Leaves have gone from gold to red to brown;
Still the sun beats down.
The air heavy and still
Drains us of our energy and will.

A small breeze flickers carrying the scent
Of that season that has been spent
On holidays by the beach or in a tent
All over now that the shadows have added to their length.

The evening gathers quicker then expected
And we see that for a while summer was resurrected
As the dark and night gather weight
We take the time to contemplate

On one last day of bliss
And enjoying it we remember this
That winter is not far
And this was for all its warmth this day was,
Summers last hurrah.