conflicting emotions or ghosts from the past

About 4 years at warpcon I won a best player prize for it’s a half orc life which was a wonderful D&D game in which I got to play a lawful neutral kobald orphan raised to believe she was human ‘child’.
It was an utter delight and I got to threaten to tell on the rest of my ‘family’ that I was going to tell Nanny and Nanny would not be please and we talked a giant into helping us and it was a blast.
I got the vampire the Masquerade source book as my prize and this pleased me no end.

Then a friend who had never rpgs or larped what so ever and didn’t get what any of it was about,was given a lend of it to open up the world of gaming to her. She started to come with me to conventions and to play games and found she enjoyed it which was cool, there have been a few people over the years that didn’t know what gaming was and ended up giving it a go due to being around me.

Unfortunately over a year a go we stopped being friends, she had her life get very complicated and it seemed that as her best friend I was the only one she could and did get angry with and nothing I could do was right and she went from seeing me as her best friend and mirror twin to being a threat of some kind and I am still confused as to why but people go through some crazy shit when they think they are dying of cancer.

And it was someone else who told me she wanted nothing to do with me or see me ever again and not to contact her which came as a shock and I honoured that, I kept my distance, I gave up some of the activities we had in common and events we had helped ran graciously and never spoke about why I stopped going I just stopped going, as the last thing that someone who is fighting cancer needs is more stress.

I did not stop going to gaming conventions, as hard as that was esp when it came apparent that she was happily assassinating my character to anyone who would listen and making people choose her over me and again I held my peace and said nothing even when I was frozen out and snubbed by people who I had considered friends, but clearly weren’t as they never spoke to me about what happened and that’s fine they made their choices.

I have been going to gaming conventions for over 13 years even when I was expecting my first born so that wasn’t ever going to change and I would never begrudge her going gods know conventions are big enough and I am still pleased I talked her into go to her first at gaelcon two years ago and play. I love the hobby and the more joy in brings into people’s lives the better, esp those who need it.

And as for the person who is no longer in my life and who’s friendship I still miss ( as it was before things went screwy ) I still don’t bear them any ill will or malice never have but I must admit seeing that they have written a game scenario to run at a convention using my source book which I won, I had conflicting emotions.

But it’s just a book, a thing and in the larger scale of things the more new people we have coming into the hobbie the better and more people we have starting to write games for people to play then that is a good thing and so is despite it all that she has lived to write it.

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